I was born with a gigantic nose
it sure isn’t one that I chose
when I suffer a cold
it’s a thing to behold
it turns as bright red as a rose

with such a huge ‘schnozz’ — I stand out
but there’re upsides to having this snout
it smells food miles away
shades a hot sunny day
though it honks every time that I shout

a nose big as a blimp is no crime
though its beauty is hardly sublime
but when I’m running late
I don’t make people wait
‘cause my nose usually shows up on time

it’s a problem for me as a suitor
to have such a humongous hooter
to kiss a girl is a feat
just to make our lips meet
so most dating I do on computer

my nose is not really in fashion
but it does stir some ladies to passion
you see they think my snoot
is so ugly it’s cute
and smother me in tender compassion

some people are quite rude and crass
they point and they laugh and harass
I simply act meek
turn my other cheek
then I sneeze — and put them right on their ass

but a sad heart I cannot allow
it is joy that I’m seeking now
yes, my nose is a curse
but it could always be worse
though I truly can’t visualize how

rob kistner © 2008


collage above entitled: “Humongous” — by: rob kistner © 2008

• • •



~ by Image&VerseToo on February 19, 2008.

56 Responses to “Humongous”

  1. Hey, if you can write a poem like that about it, you’ve got yourself a blessing, not a curse.

  2. Thanks for a great laugh! (loved the line about mostly dating online–very funny!)

  3. Is it true what they say about big noses? That could be a plus. 😉



  4. Tony –

    Thank you! 😉

  5. Chicklegirl –

    You are welcome… 😉

    I’m pleased it lightened your moment!

  6. Rose –

    Some things are more than urban legend… 🙂

  7. Yeah, that’s dead funny! There used to be a footballer in Manchester called Mike Summerbee, who had a big nose. We used to sing ‘I’ll walk a million miles to the end of your nose…’

  8. Very funny! Good topic for a limerick sequence.

  9. Oh what fun!

    “then I sneeze — and put them right on their ass” is my favorite!

  10. STG –

    Thanks! Cool story…

  11. Dave –

    Thank you!

  12. deb –

    Glad you liked it… 😉

  13. Fun rhyme – it put me in mind of Cyrano de Bergerac and the Steve Martin movie that is a modern take on the same, I forget the name of it

  14. Catherine –

    Thank you… 😉

    Roxanne is the movie’s title. A nice little flick!

  15. Very funny. Reminded me of Roxanne too, I love that sequence when he’s coming up with funny ways to refer to his nose!

  16. beautiful mirage of passion accompanied by a passionate poem. The poem reminded me of Roxanne also. But I like this poem better than the movie. Great job Rob!

  17. Great poem Rob! Cyrano would be proud to read that aloud.

  18. Very funny and so cleverly composed of limericks. Almost any one of them could stand on its own and merit laughter without being attached to the others.

    “Roxanne” is one of my favorite movies.

  19. :)…smiles and more smiles.

  20. this was whimsical and cute…i loved it….LOL

  21. Loved this. And as the owner of a slightly large hereditary snout myself, it has its advantages. For instance, you always know who your own kids are.
    Hehe, one even tried to change it with plastic surgery.

  22. Rob, that was too good! Thanks!

    chequered shadows

  23. oh that was fun… how refreshing….

  24. I enjoyed both the collage and the poem 🙂

    Good stuff.

  25. Great poem and great imagery. I particularly liked suiter/hooter and running late while your nose is on time.

  26. What better than a funny poem on a hazy Saturday and me enjoying it as I laze on the computer. Thanks.

  27. A big nose has done Gerard Depardieu no harm! Pinnoccio did quite well for himself too!

  28. Terrific poem! Irreverent!

  29. What a great and funny poem. Having a big nose can be a great sign of character!

  30. Really enjoyed this! I also thought of Roxanne. I particularly liked the line “‘cause my nose usually shows up on time”.

    Very fun this morning.

  31. I’m not usually a fan of limericks but this one works! Funny and entertaining!

  32. i LOVED THIS!! How wonderful, witty -well-written, rhythmic and sassy! What fun and thank you for sharing—I’ll be thinking of you when I go see the female-version of this story Penelope in the theater this weekend!

  33. Kamsin –

    Thank you!

  34. Liza –

    Thank you… you’re most kind! 😉

  35. Awareness –

    I appreciate your kind words… 😉

  36. Granny –

    Thank you… I strove to have each of the limerick stanzas stand on it’s own, to the degree I was able… 😉

  37. UL –

    Thanks, and more thanks… 😉

  38. Rebecca –

    Thank you! 😉

  39. Anthony –

    A dominant nose is a sign of nobility.

  40. Gautami –

    You are most generous… 😉

  41. Paisley –

    I’m pleased you enjoyed it… 😉

  42. Inconsequential –

    I’m glad they put a smile on your face… 😉

  43. Chef –

    Thank you!

    A bit of creative exaggeration is always fun… 😉

  44. Lilibeth –

    I pleased I was able to lighten your day… 😉

  45. Keith –

    And Barbra Streisand was no slouch… 😉

  46. ForgetfulOne –

    Thank you for the kind words… 😉

  47. Lisrobbe –

    I’m pleased you enjoyed this. 😉

    A ‘noble nose’…

  48. Goodnight Mom –

    Thank you… 😉

    That line struck me as quite funny when it popped into my head.

  49. Linda –

    Thank you… 😉

    I find limericks, while not classic literature, easy and fun to write because they have the rhythmic nature of song lyrics — some thing I spent a number of years composing, as a younger man.

  50. Amarettogirl –

    You are most gracious… 😉

    I’m pleased you this lightened your day — and I hope you enjoy the movie. Catherine O’Hara is a very funny lady, and Reese Witherspoon plays a very different character from her norm…

    Ricci is perfectly strange, ideal for the role…

  51. a friend of mine that had a big nose said he made love to women with his nose… 🙂

  52. that was very enlightning… i was thinking of that movie w/Steve Martin with the big nose that nobody would mention…

  53. Good poem, had a great laugh. I, too, have a massive schnoz. I was told it is a Roman nose. Roamin’ all over my face.

  54. Arboleda –


  55. Pieceofpie –

    Thank you, I think…

    The Steve Martin movie was called Roxanne — not to be confused with the song, of the same name, by The Police. 😉

  56. MBW –

    Glad you enjoyed it.

    I understand your situation… 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: